She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
