You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
