What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
