Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
