Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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