I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
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Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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