She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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