okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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