I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
