took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
