Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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