so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
