Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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