I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
