He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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