two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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