omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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