peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
