So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
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