I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
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There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
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I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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