you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
