My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
