I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
