I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
