My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We need to get me chipped asap
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
