Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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