I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
