I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
