onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
