So drunk its hurt
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Apparently you make a good broom.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
