I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
