Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
