best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
