Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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