You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
