I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
