Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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