Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
