One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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