they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
