You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
