Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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