all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
