Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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