hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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