i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
