you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
