I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
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i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
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All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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