I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
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