i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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