Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
