I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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