Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
