You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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