I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
