clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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