why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
