Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My breasts were aching with rage.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
