I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
