i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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