What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Drunk is not a location!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
