You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
