Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
