Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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