Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
