i think my tv is drunk
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
