Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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