yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
