just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My Higher Power is John Stamos
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
then he tried to convert me to islam
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
