I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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