so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just high enough for therapy.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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