That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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