Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
