Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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