i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
