I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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