if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
