so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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