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• (434): View more from Virginia

  why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?

  (540): View more from Virginia

  you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  There is a pube in my fucking eyeball

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• (606): View more from Kentucky

  VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it

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• (660): View more from Missouri

  Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.

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• (308): View more from Nebraska

  I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.

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• (631): View more from New York

  Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!

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