i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
